The Joke Thread

[StolenToast]

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs
-Nailed to a wall : Art
-Floating in the water : Bob
-Laying on your porch : Matt

-And short of breath : Curt

[Hobospartan]

[quote author=WoahItsChooly link=topic=7186.msg275553#msg275553 date=1390344717]
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs
-Nailed to a wall : Art
-Floating in the water : Bob
-Laying on your porch : Matt

-And short of breath : Curt
[/quote]

-In a pile of leaves : Russel

[FlyingMongoose]

[quote author=StolenToast link=topic=7186.msg275570#msg275570 date=1390359740]
[quote author=WoahItsChooly link=topic=7186.msg275553#msg275553 date=1390344717]
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs
-Nailed to a wall : Art
-Floating in the water : Bob
-Laying on your porch : Matt

-And short of breath : Curt
[/quote]

-In a pile of leaves : Russel
[/quote]

In your mailbox: Bill

[FlyingMongoose]

[quote author=Höböspärtän link=topic=7186.msg275572#msg275572 date=1390364563]
[quote author=StolenToast link=topic=7186.msg275570#msg275570 date=1390359740]
[quote author=WoahItsChooly link=topic=7186.msg275553#msg275553 date=1390344717]
What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs
-Nailed to a wall : Art
-Floating in the water : Bob
-Laying on your porch : Matt

-And short of breath : Curt
[/quote]

-In a pile of leaves : Russel
[/quote]

-In your mailbox : Bill
[/quote]

In a six foot hole : Doug/Phil
In a three foot deep hole : Douglas (Only works if Doug is previous)
On the shore touching the water : Doc
On a podium : Mike
Under a car : Jack
Sitting on the grill : Frank
On the kitchen shelf : Herb
Sitting in the bathroom : John


Woman with one leg shorter than the other : Eileen

There was a man who got into a car accident. He was rushed to the hospital. The left side of his body was completely paralyzed… And the doctor said “He was going to be all right.”

What do you call a woman with two black eyes and a broken nose? A slow learner.

You know I use to be a pretty skinny guy... Until I realized it's easier to roll everywhere.

Let's go for pissing people off...

So when I saw the end of the Boston Marathon I thought to myself... This is why I don't run marathons.
Now if that were a stage bit I'd wait a moment probably get lots of angry boos then reply with, "damn it let me finish my sentence! It's because I'm fat! What is wrong with you people?"

Now for a funny story that actually happened to me. So after high school and some college my father was selling off some of my college books and he found one that was barely opened (I dropped the class). So he asked me if I ever even opened the book. To which I replied "yes of course" my friend was standing next to me and immediately rebutted "what? Did a piece of bacon fall into it?"

I work out... Really I do, I work out reasons why not to exercise.

Let's keep this thread going. Jokes. Stories. Anecdotes. Let's make waiter laugh! Please refrain from posting Didzo's dong, we may laugh too hard.

Also I'm curious... Does anyone here have their own version of "The Aristocrats"?


Sent from my wireless communicator.