Archive of the stupid stuff my co-worker says

[Surf314]

As I have mentioned to people before I have a very amusingly dumb co-worker.  One of the other guys in my office area has already started collecting the stuff she says so I figure I would start too to enlighten you to the reasons behind questions like "why do people still use IE"  "why do people fall for X kind of politics" etc.

[me not paying attention]
Co-worker: .......sword - S-O-R-D
Me: Wait.......what?
Co-worker: sword it's spelled S-O-R-D right?
Me: No you're doing it wrong
Co-worker: Oh there is an E at the end right?
Me: No you're still doing it wrong
Co-worker: Then how do you spell it then?


Me [to everyone]:  So has anyone heard about the hubbub about the LHC
Co-worker: Whats the LHC
Me: Something built to collide particles together to find out more about the universe, some think it could destroy the world but it's an extremely low chance.
Co-worker: That pisses me off why do scientists always got to be screwing with shit to learn things, why can't they just accept there are things you won't know.  God did it case closed.


Co-worker: is today the 32nd? (this was told to me as an example of what to expect when I moved back here, I didn't believe them at first)

[CaffeinePowered]

Wow, why do people like this have jobs, and I don't...  ???

[Budr]

Wow, why do people like this have jobs, and I don't...  ???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6437UHhASf4

[exanimo]

Sword is spelled S-O-R-D.

[Kyrie Sutra FRICK]

So I got one. I was checking someone out who purchased brown eggs. And my bagger says what is the difference between white eggs and brown eggs? I explain to her that it is the type of chicken. White eggs from from whit or light colored chickens and brown from dark chickens and that there are also spotted eggs too but they are rare. And her response is... oh kinda like people.
/face palm

[Dave]

was sat on a wall with my mate pat, and he has some of this strawberry flavoured water, the volvic one and he just looks at me and asks:

" where did they find a volcano that makes strawberry flavoured water?"


he wasnt even joking.

[Luinbariel]

was sat on a wall with my mate pat, and he has some of this strawberry flavoured water, the volvic one and he just looks at me and asks:

" where did they find a volcano that makes strawberry flavoured water?"


he wasnt even joking.

/thread

[rumsfald]

Sword is spelled S-O-R-D.

I'll take SWORDS for $100, Alex.

[HeK]

Wow, where do you guys work?

[[fr31ns]Karrde]

Well, since we're on the topic, then.  I used to do telemarketing for wells fargo home mortgage.  Yeah, eat it.  I know I'm going to hell, but it paid for a lot of college   Anyway, the goal was to get ppl to take a credit card.  This one guy in the office was confused.  He wanted to know what percent the minimum monthly payment was.  He then asked what the maximum monthly payment was.  We explained it (max monthly payment, is obviously, everything due on the card).  He still didn't get it...

[Luinbariel]

I had many fun and interesting work-related stories from my approximately two years taking inbound calls for American FedEx customers, both residential or international.

In the international department, some of my favorites include:

Customer: "I would like to know how much it will cost to ship my family to (bla)". He is dead serious.
Me: "... you mean like a corpse?"
Customer: "No, I mean my family, my wife and my son."
Me: "That is very illegal, I'm afraid you can't do that."
Customer: "Why not? How would you know what was inside the box? What if I said it was something else?"
Me: "... we're required to see inside the box before you send it internationally. And also I think we'd know that there were people in the box."
Customer: "What if I said it was tea?"
Me: "... no."

I was also very amused by the fellow who tried to ship his snake; it got loose in the main sorting facility and no one wanted to go in there and look for this huge fucking snake. When we did find it, we donated it to the zoo (its also illegal to ship live animals regularly, you need special arrangements etc). He was super pissed when he found out.

The sheer amount of drugs that are shipped is good too... or the guy who called and was so fucked up he had no idea what his address was. I could see we'd done pickups there before, under his name, but he was just sky fucking high and I ended up having to tell him to shove off later on.

Lastly, though, and this takes the cake... I was a newb still, maybe a few weeks in after my training and didn't give a fuck. Hated the job. I took a call from someone who said he wanted to schedule a pickup, so I get into the dialogue, when suddenly he asks me:
Customer: "If I were a coat-rack, where would you put me?"
Me: "... what? A what?"
Customer: "A coat rack."
Me: "I dunno, in the hallway I guess. How much doe-"
Customer: "what would you hang on me?"
Me: "...... coats, I guess?"
This continued on until I finally got the balls to say that I had to end the call if he had nothing related to talk about. Then my team leader promptly walks over; she was monitering that call and is kind of laughing at me a bit. "You know, that was a pervert, right?" No, I didn't think he was perverted, just stupid.

[Tragic Hero]

I girl in my class today didn't know where America was on a map.  I almost threw up right then and there.

[HeK]

Was it a map of America?

[Squishy3]

I don't have stupid co-worker stuff, just stupid customer stuff.

[jorge]

Co-worker: That pisses me off why do scientists always got to be screwing with shit to learn things, why can't they just accept there are things you won't know.  God did it case closed.

Amen. Praise the Lord.

[Tragic Hero]

Was it a map of America?

Map of the world.  It was in a science course and the prof was showing a picture of the world from space at night.

This one to be exact.  When the prof asked the girl what area he was pointing to with the laser pointer she couldn't tell him.  Then he told her it was America and she goes "Oh so thats where it is".

[K2]

[quote author=HeK link=topic=1331.msg36655#msg36655 date=1220676436]
Was it a map of America?

Map of the world.  It was in a science course and the prof was showing a picture of the world from space at night.

This one to be exact.  When the prof asked the girl what area he was pointing to with the laser pointer she couldn't tell him.  Then he told her it was America and she goes "Oh so thats where it is".

[/quote]

And that's when you remove her uterus to make sure she doesn't contribute to the gene pool.

[Greatbacon]

I girl in my class today didn't know where America was on a map.  I almost threw up right then and there.

Ugh, there was someone in my American Government class who thought the Revolutionary War was fought to secede from France.

[Versus]

rofl jorge.

Since I unfortunately go to a private Christian school, can I say pretty much everything that comes out of my classmates' mouth? :

[Master Shake]

rofl jorge.

Since I unfortunately go to a private Christian school,

ftl